I know I’m the only one who saw the earlier versions of this with the previous intro, but I like this version of it. Instead of the description, now the exposition is in the conversation between Khalil and Jazzi. It all feels more conversational. Giving Khalil someone to talk to, rather than just seeing his inner monologue, feels much livelier to me. This was a great shift in the tone to share all the same info and plot as before, but in a more conversational way.
You could perhaps do one more pass through the dialogue to add some more contractions. If you read the dialogue aloud, you’ll hear some places that sound a little more stiff and formal. It’s hard when you’re used to academic writing, I know, and you do have a fair number of contractions.
For example, what sounds more natural? “I did not plagiarize at all!” or “I didn’t plagiarize at all!”
A couple of style notes:
* I added a comment in my PDF notes about the style passage. If you just want a white background with black text, you can do that–I put the macro and directions in the PDF. That will apply to the whole story rather than needing to add the enchant macro to each individual passage.
* Some of the passages near the end have all italicized text. Is there a specific reason you switched to more italics?
I added a few proofreading notes too–just some nitpicky things. Here are my comments in the PDF.
Great work! I think this will be a fun way to encourage your students to check the TurnItIn report and to help them understand the importance of paraphrasing rather than using large quotes in their writing.